Recently I had a patient who wanted to speak to me. No surprise there; we all have them. Every. Joyous. Day… This was a man who’d arrived for his appointment before we’d even opened and stood 3mm away from the practice door glaring at us to be let in. After spending half of his 20-minute diabetic review moaning to the practice nurse about it, he thought I too needed to know about it.
After establishing that the care navigator who’d arrived for work couldn’t have slammed the door in his face because it’s a slow-closing automatic door, and that the “queue of people” who’d observed this incident didn’t exist because there was no one else there, he dropped a bombshell that always amuses me. “My brother is a practice manager!” It amuses me because if his relation really was a PM, he’d have a bit more respect for the role. Unless he dislikes his brother, of course…
Anyway, Angry Man, as we’ll call him, unhappy that I couldn’t meet his high expectations, departed with us agreeing to disagree. Or so I thought…
Checking Google reviews that night (as you do when there’s nothing on TV and your partner and the dog are both snoring), I was delighted to spot a new review. But within the first couple of sentences, it was easy to see that it had been written by Angry Man. In the review, he made several disparaging remarks about me – including that I was “aggressive” and “looked puzzled”, and was “incredulous that someone had dared to make a negative comment”.
Anyone who knows me will say that I’m one of the least aggressive people you’ll ever meet. Plus, if I looked puzzled, it was probably wind… but that’s for another blog. I’d spent 20 minutes with this man playing word tennis and I’d been extremely tolerant, so to read his remarks really got my back up.
The next day, everyone else at the practice knew about it too; that’s how riled I was. But then I took a deep breath and in the words of Queen Elsa, “let it go”.
It’s easy to say “don’t let things bother you” or ‘‘take no notice”, but these things do bother us and we do take notice, don’t we? It’s human nature to experience that fight or flight reflex when something unpleasant happens to us. If you’re in the fight camp and go out in a blaze of glory, I salute you. However, I’m not wired that way. My way of dealing with situations like this is to retreat, cry and eat a packet of Hobnobs (other medicinal biscuits are available). I’ve lost track over the years of how many times a negative comment or aggression from a patient (or colleague) has made me feel negative about myself, and there seems to be no easy fix for this. I think the turning point came after a particularly difficult spell, when I’d been made to feel so rubbish that I believed it. I now call it my Phoenix Day (not to be confused with Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights).
Phoenix Day was when I reached rock bottom and thought, “****** this! Who can do my job better than me? Who gives 100% and more every day? Who cares as much as I do? Who are THEY to make ME feel bad?” And, BOOM, the phoenix rose from the ashes. As Johnny said in Dirty Dancing, “Nobody puts baby in the corner.”
I know what I’m talking about. I know I act with integrity. I know I’m a good manager (and that has been validated by an IGPM director, so there!). I can’t tell you how to deal with negativity and the stress it causes as, at the end of the day, feelings are sometimes stronger than words. What I can do is share with you just one example so you know you’re not alone.
I would also say be strong. Have faith in yourself and your capabilities. Leave that dirt on the doorstep. After all, if you trod in dog poo, you wouldn’t bring it into your home, would you? So, treat negativity like dog poo. Scrape it off before you enter the house.
I’ve risen from the ashes like a phoenix several times since then and I’m sure I’ll continue to rise in the future. I also leave dog poo where it belongs.
September 22, 2023 at 8:08 am
After a rubbish ending to my day yesterday, reading your post this morning made me smile…. Thank you!
September 22, 2023 at 8:34 am
Every single review we get, my heart skips a beat, my armpits go all tingly, then and only after my body surge do I read the comment….
The sigh of relief when its a nice one is more like a gust of wind from my mouth! The negative ones leave me with a BP of 190/100!
As you have so rightly said, have more faith, we know our role, we know what we do and the effort we put in not only for our patients but staff as well, so rest easy knowing you are doing a fantastic job!!
September 22, 2023 at 8:34 am
This is perfect made me chuckle salute to all the PM that have them days then rise
September 22, 2023 at 8:38 am
After a week where I have felt like I have had a front seat on a roller coaster and have not been able to get it to stop, this has really made me reflect.
I am going to go back out to my car and leave a heap of dog **** in the car park. Thank you – Happy weekend to all my primary care colleagues 🙂
September 22, 2023 at 8:58 am
We have several of these patients too. One is our writer of love letters. Or so we nicknamed him. A serial complainer.
I can’t even run a bath, let alone a practice.
I should focus my time on improving the shambolic appointment system and promote that receptionists should simply do as the patients tell them too.
In each and every letter, he criticises off. Everything is my fault.
His demands are unrealistic and unnecessary.
Nowadays he sends his complaint letters (at least once every 3 months and sometimes more) to the senior partner and continues to criticise me. Little does he know that’s my husband, although most patients are aware.
We would love to kick him off our list, but have been informed we can’t. Not unless he becomes physically aggressive towards us. We have informed him that if he believes there is a breakdown in relationship, it is within his rights to choose another practice if he wishes.
That is offensive in his eyes. How dare we even point out the right he has to leave the practice?
Have we learned nothing? He has had several occasions to complain about the shambolic management and admin staff. He believes they are rude, offensive, shambolic and not fit for purpose. Basically, he expects us to ask how high and how far if he tells us to jump. To walk in and immediately get invited by the doctor to walk into his consultation.
That was also the reason of his most recent complaint.
The receptionist signposted him towards the assessment of needs/triage system and wanted to take details to pass on. He insisted he wanted her to message the GP of his choice and ask if that GP could give him a call to discuss some concerns he had.
1. A request for a GP to call back is a request for a consultation.
2. Consultations are by appointment only.
3. All requests for GP appointment go via the assessment of needs pathway.
He didn’t accept it when we told him we agreed the receptionist was correct. Instead, he wrote another 7 page love letter. “I’m not one to complain.”
Our response is a 8 page love letter, including our complaints policy and our vexatious complaints policy.
We would love him to just leave the practice but know we’re not likely to get lucky there.
September 22, 2023 at 10:57 am
Kick your writer of love letters off the list. You CAN and SHOULD do it. This is harassment. There is such a thing as Vexatious Complaints.
Send a warning letter advising that his vexatious complaints need to stop and his unhelpful, unfounded and unjust criticism is now being passed to your lawyers for consideration.
The warning letter should state that any repetition of his written and verbal harassment will constitute a breakdown in relationship and he WILL be asked to leave.
At that point he will have 1 weeks continuing care and thereafter his records will be passed to practitioner services for onward transmission to his new GP.
No doubt there will be a backlash on social media but there again, you can contact him and detail that his comments constitute a breakdown in relationship evidenced in his lack of faith in the surgery therefore, it is best to find a new GP elsewhere.
Broaden your shoulders, expect the social media nonsense and dust your feet off.
September 22, 2023 at 9:38 am
One of my recent Google reviews states “John Isaac is a tyrannical manager. He has no respect for the patient and also very poor reception”, and this was from a patient i gave a warning to last year because of his behaviour. I don’t know what stirred him 9 months later to leave this review. Some don’t like to be challenged. Having said that another recent review states “The best medical centre very friendly people Special. John. Thanks for everything 🙏 ❤️”, and I have even been called gorgeous in one review.
Like you rightly say, leave the negativity behind or it will consume you!
September 22, 2023 at 9:41 am
That sounds grim. Personally, I would think that you are within your rights to ask for him to be removed from the practice list, due to a breakdown in the relationship, provided he has had warning.
I would write to him saying sorry that he is unsatisfied with the service he is receiving, however the staff work hard to provide the best services possible to all patients, therefore if he continues to raise vexatious complaints we will request his removal from the list.
If it continues, then request an 8 day removal.
It’s not fair on you and your team having to provide care to him, with concern about what he will complain about next and the time this takes up. I often try to keep patients as I don’t like passing the problem on to another practice, but sometimes I think it can be useful to make patients realise that they can’t just carry on how they want with no consequences.
I hope you manage to get some resolution.
Hang in there!
September 22, 2023 at 11:40 am
thanks so much! after a week from hell this is just what I needed
September 23, 2023 at 4:19 pm
Brilliantly said!
September 25, 2023 at 10:14 am
I feel your pain. It wasn’t long ago that a certain social media page included awful comments about me on a personal level. I was ‘witnessed’ as being a bully towards a patient and staff.
I was mortified as being a victim of bullying from previous GP partners (I’m sure a few PM’s have experienced this too) , the last thing I would do would be to bully or try to intimate another person.
It took all I had not to respond and ignore and rise above it but being human still beat myself up about it.
People need to be kind . Keep doing your best and believing in yourself, it takes certain breed of person to do this job 🙂