I’ve led many training sessions on giving negative feedback to employees (or are we supposed to call it constructive feedback?), and I usually start by asking who on the course already feels confident about doing this. Not a single person has ever raised their hand.

In truth, I wouldn’t raise mine either because whilst I can deliver some pretty zingy feedback when required, what the person receiving it doesn’t see is that my heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I’m going to spend the next 24 hours reliving every moment of the experience!

What I’m trying to say is that giving negative feedback tends to be hard and unpleasant. Yet, in my experience, it’s one of the most useful and important skills we can possess as a manager. Traditionally, we learn the ‘praise sandwich’ method, whereby the horrible bit is squeezed in between two nicer bits of feedback. This can be helpful, but I think, as many of us will attest, by itself it isn’t a surefire way to ensure that the feedback conversation goes as planned. Much of the time, either the employee disregards the fragile praise and focuses entirely on the negative middle, or it’s the other way around and the employee walks away from the conversation without realising that any particular problem has been voiced.

In this blog, I’m going to argue that there are other important steps we can take to ensure the negative feedback we give is understood, taken on board and (hopefully) doesn’t cause fireworks.

1. Earn the right to give negative feedback

I know very well that I’ve put on some weight over the last few years, but I wouldn’t respond well if a slight acquaintance told me as much without invitation!

As humans, we’re hardwired to struggle with negative feedback, especially from those people we don’t fully know or trust. The fact that someone is a manager may give them an organisational right to provide negative feedback but it doesn’t mean that employees will – from an emotional perspective – accept that this is OK. Managers, like everyone else, should seek to earn the right to give negative feedback.

This right can be earned in various ways, but it all comes down to the strength of relationship already created. Holding regular 1:1s, good team meetings, listening to staff, providing support, showing patience and, importantly, giving regular praise when due (not just when you’re using it to sandwich something negative) are all pretty essential if you want later negative feedback to be effective. This is hard on newer managers, so it’s necessary to build up trusting relationships as quickly as possible.

One other tip is to turn giving feedback into a two-way highway. By this I mean you directly encourage the employee to give you negative feedback as well as the other way around. By demonstrating that you’re willing to listen and adapt to their feedback, you earn the right to give yours in return.

2. Persuade the employee that this feedback is in their interest

Imagine you’re a salesperson. How are you going to sell this feedback to the other person so that they respond as you want them to? This is where your knowledge of the employee really comes in useful, because you should already know the kinds of things that make them tick.

For example, are they ambitious? Then seek to tell them how this feedback will help their career. Are they passionate about patient care? Then illustrate how the feedback will help them improve this. Are they a team player? Focus on how this feedback relates to team happiness and performance. You’re not trying to make the employee feel bad, but you’re ideally trying to make them aware of a need for change, and to feel energised towards it.

3. Be specific

In my experience, often the vaguest feedback comes from the kindest and most caring of managers. We know that what we’re about to say could cause hurt, so we instinctively dampen the message down and generalise it. This is often done without the manager even realising.

But giving vague feedback creates far more problems than it solves. To improve performance or conduct, the employee needs to know exactly what went wrong, when this happened, where the problems arose, why it was bad, and how they should do things in future. The more evidence you can provide to illustrate this, the better.

If you have any doubt about whether the employee has properly understood the feedback being given, ask them to summarise it from their perspective. If they’ve understood it incorrectly, don’t be afraid to clarify the point.

4. Encourage reflection

I don’t mean to suggest that directly lecturing staff about their actions is always the best way forward. Ideally, you want them to acknowledge that they could be in the wrong or they could have done things differently. By describing the situation and explaining your concerns, you leave the door open for the employee to consider matters themselves.

For example, telling a staff member that you think they’re rude to callers is likely to provoke an indignant response. Letting them hear the calls in question and read the patient complaints means they’re more likely to reflect than argue.

Some carefully crafted questions can encourage the employee to ‘own’ the situation and seek a resolution. Such as:

• What impact do you feel this had on the caller?
• Can you think of a different way to respond to this type of situation?
• How could you do things differently if this situation arose again?
• How will you ensure this situation doesn’t happen again?

5. Listen to their perspective

Checking someone’s understanding and encouraging reflection means listening to them. This is also essential for checking your understanding of the situation. Given that the aim of negative feedback is to drive improvement, there’s not much point in the exercise unless you’re taking time to understand where and why things are going wrong.

So, listen to the employee’s responses. Is there anything you’ve missed? Is there a training need? Does the employee need support? Is the employee disengaged? The answers to questions like these should guide your next steps.

6. Set future expectations

Giving negative feedback can feel like such a big hurdle, it’s easy to imagine it as an end in itself. But to drive positive change, we need to set (and agree) clear expectations of what this change is and how it will be enabled. Take good notes and ensure the employee understands them. If there are next steps needed, decide on who will do them, by when and with what support.

7. Review

If we’re very lucky, feedback can be given just once and that’s it. But often, it must be repeated and further built upon to be effective. Don’t shy away from reviewing things. If problems with the employee continue, develop a plan with HR support to ensure the situation doesn’t drift without purpose.

A good example of negative feedback

Around 20 years ago, a manager had to tell me that I’d narrowly failed the graduate training programme which I’d busted a gut to work through for the previous two years. It was tough feedback to hear, but they delivered it brilliantly.

To start with, they were an inspiring and energetic manager. They’d given me brief, regular feedback (both positive and negative) throughout my placement, and I trusted their judgement. They gave me clear, simple information about why I hadn’t passed the programme and explained what I’d need to do better to pass in future. They were keen to hear my thoughts and check my understanding. They persuaded me that failing the programme at this point was far better for my health and wellbeing than being awarded a narrow pass when I wasn’t ready for the career promotion and extra stress it would entail. Overall, they emphasised that they believed in me as a person and they wanted me to succeed in the future.

Did I enjoy that meeting? Not at all!

But was the feedback good for me in the long run? It absolutely was. That manager did me an enormous favour overall. My career ever since has been better for it.

So, maybe giving negative feedback doesn’t have to be such a terrible thing after all. What tips or stories would you like to share on this topic? Post in the comments below!

Susi O’Brien