There may be official guidelines on compassionate leave and all the practical aspects of grief and bereavement, but supporting a grieving colleague emotionally through a loss – from the death of a spouse or parent to miscarriage of stillbirth – can be the most challenging task they will face in their career. The way you respond to your team member’s situation can make a huge difference to their grieving experience.

Sadly, a 2014 survey of over 4,000 employees in the UK found that 32% of individuals bereaved within the past five years did not feel they had been treated with the appropriate level of compassion by their employer. 56% said that they would consider leaving their job if they were not treated with compassion in their time of need.

Know the Stages

Kübler-Ross & Kessler have categorised five stages of grief, ranging from denial and anger to bargaining, depression and – finally – acceptance. But everyone grieves in a very different way and at different speeds, and grief can cause someone to behave entirely out of character. For many, this is another part of the process and colleagues must be careful to not be critical of these changes or unusual behaviours.

Limit Expectations

For some, going to work is part of the process of getting over a loss and rebuilding one’s life – a reassuring and familiar constant in a sea of change. Work is also a distraction, but a seemingly speedy return to work should under no means be seen as a speedy recovery. For this bereaved person it is not ‘business as usual’ no matter how it might seem.  Limit your expectations of what they can and will achieve in these sensitive early weeks and months.

Treat People Differently

… Because we are all different and will cope with grief in vastly different ways. So flex your bereavement policies to allow individuals to take the time that they need away from work and to choose their own point of return. By treating people as adults and giving them the choice, most people will return to work within a timescale that is acceptable to the organisation. Research suggests that the way in which HR bereavement and sickness policies are interpreted shapes the way employees view their employer and their commitment to the organisation. Compassionate employers are therefore not just ‘nicer’ organisations to work in, they also have higher staff retention levels as a result.