By PM Polly
What is it with the minutes between Friday at 6pm (or 7pm or 8pm… whenever you get to finish) and Monday 6am, 7am, 8am (whenever you get to start) that means those minutes in between go quicker than you can say ‘seasonal influenza vaccination’.
When I wake up on a Monday I have started to notice two things. Firstly, the previous night I have dreamt about sacking various members of staff and replacing them with robots who don’t roll their eyes. Secondly I begin preparing myself for the week ahead because I absolutely know some things are going to happen.
This happens to you too.
On the way this morning as I narrowly avoided a sheep on my fog-ridden drive (momentarily wondering about hitting the sheep – just for a split second – not really hitting the sheep or hurting the sheep but maybe just swerving to avoid the sheep and perhaps dinting my car not much but just enough – because it may have meant maybe I could’ve taken the day off but then I remember the hell that happens when I take the day off and I’m so glad that I decided not to hit the poor sheep just to avoid work)… and then I have to just slap myself gently because this is what goes through my mind on a Monday morning!
So… These are the top twenty-five things I know that I’m going to hear this week.
- Can I book next Monday off? (normally a GP)
- There’s a patient on the phone/in reception/on the roof who wants to complain
- We’ve run out of milk
- The printer is broken
- I can’t work with X anymore
- I’m on a diet
- You’re an ******** (fill in any expletive here)
- What do you mean there are no appointments at three minutes past eight?!
- We’ve run out of rooms and there’s a woman about to give birth in the waiting room
- Have you tried switching it on and off?
- It’s too cold/too hot in here
- *she* keeps trying to get me to do *her* work
- I’m not feeling well
- Did you watch Coronation Street?
- My son/dog/daughter/rabbit/guineau pig has a rash so I can’t come in
- My appointments are too short
- My appointments are too late
- That appointment should have been with him/her/anyone else
- No I will not see a nurse practitioner
- Are they qualified to triage?
- I’m not eating any more biscuits
- Someone has stolen my pen
- A prescription has gone missing
- The toilet is blocked
- I want to work at Tesco (that last one is me)
Any more to add?!
High fives fellow PMs! I don’t know how we do it!
Polly X
By PM Polly
November 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm
I know you’re busy and I don’t like to interrupt you BUT……..!
November 10, 2017 at 6:44 am
As a recently retired Practice nurse, I think Practice Managers are unsung heroes and truly amazing people.
November 10, 2017 at 8:00 am
(Annoyed patient) I can’t get patient access to work (cue spending 5/10/15 minutes or more with said patient trying to help only to find out that it is because something that EMIS have changed during a recent ‘upgrade’ which leads me having to apologise to patient for the crap system and them commenting that we need to get our systems better!)
November 10, 2017 at 10:58 am
Ha ha ha get this all the time
November 10, 2017 at 8:12 am
The work load is overwhelming.
Why is the house always on fire in the NHS.
We don’t pack parachutes.
Don’t scream before you are hurt.
November 10, 2017 at 8:20 am
“Did you have a good weekend?”
November 10, 2017 at 10:09 am
At approx 8:30 in the morning: “No, an urgent appointment is no good for me at 11:00 – haven’t you got any after 5:00 p.m.?”
November 10, 2017 at 10:13 am
A practice first from today – Lady caller “May I speak with my husband please, he has an appointment with the Doc this morning and should be there already.” Receptionist – “I’m very sorry but he’s in with the doctor at the moment and we don’t interrupt unless it’s urgent.” Lady – “Well, we have a new car with key-less ignition and I can’t start it.” Our amazing receptionist was able to provide clear guidance, one car started and one patient’s wife very happy.
November 10, 2017 at 10:36 am
Brilliant – This made me laugh!
November 10, 2017 at 10:59 am
Rilliant
November 10, 2017 at 11:10 am
All of this!!!
November 10, 2017 at 3:16 pm
Monday – Doctor
‘Its absolutely not urgent – let me have it when you can’
Tuesday – same Docotor
@Did you do that thing yet?’
Also from all and sundry in an overly sarcastic manner
‘Off to another meeting?’
November 13, 2017 at 10:29 am
Usual Q. “Are you busy?”
My reply: No, I’m never busy, I never have enough work to do, I have nothing on my to-do list, I was just sitting here waiting for you to give me something to do..