As the clock struck midnight, taking us into 2020, never would I have thought, as a practice manager, I’d be saying any of these phrases this year!

“You can’t come into the surgery unless you’re wearing a mask.”

“For the fourth time today, Teresa, the mask goes OVER your nose.”

“Sally, stop baking cakes – no shared food.”

“Terry, stop trying to sneak off and make a cup of tea for Will. Nobody is allowed to make drinks for anyone else.”

“Please use the hypoallergenic wipes to wipe down the toilet seat and flush after you ‘go’.”

“No more than four people in the kitchen at once… I can see you behind the door, Barbara!”

“Don’t come to work with some symptoms, even if you feel well enough to work.”

“Please work from home whenever you can; don’t come in.”

“Jane, your mask is inside out – again!”

“No more than six patients in the waiting room; everyone else has to wait outside.”

“Try to see your patients in the car park.”

“We’ve run out of flu vaccines.”

“We are not QUIET; we are working a different way!”

“You can’t order your medication three months early ‘just in case’ there’s another lockdown.”

“Wow, your hair is long/curly/grey/interesting…”

“I ‘love’ your mask; it matches your outfit.”

“If your brother’s girlfriend’s grandmother who lives in Spain has COVID, you don’t need to self-isolate.”

“If you go on holiday, stay at home for another two weeks on your return!”

“We will not have any more face-to-face meetings; welcome to Teams/Zoom.”

“Sorry, I was on mute.” (several times a day) 

“Sorry about my dog/child in the background.”

“Can I take your temperature?”

“Is that a new persistent cough you have there, Mark? Is it, Mark?” (glaring)

“Hot flush, Ang, or do you have a temperature?” (standing back)

“Stay two metres apart at all times.” (this can be a real advantage with some people!)

“No more than one person on the stairs at any one time.”

“You can’t share a lift and do your best to avoid public transport.”

“Sam, you’ll be saved from sharing your embarrassing dance moves; there’ll be no Christmas party this year.”

“Despite what you think, no, you didn’t have COVID from that skiing trip in January 2018.”

“Stop biting your nails/touching your face/rubbing your eyes!”

“No, Karen, you do not have to shield; you had asthma when you were 10 and haven’t had any medication for it since 2002.”

“We don’t write mask exemption letters.”

“We do not write fit notes that specify you have to self-isolate.”

“No, Linda, you don’t have to go home because your neighbour, who you haven’t seen in ages, spoke to someone with COVID over Skype last Tuesday.”

And finally:

“If you want to speak, press the ‘hands up’ button.”

PM Polly

(dreading 2021)