What a practice manager wishes for when they open their advent calendar.
Sunshine. No snow. Even a sprinkle creates a max exodus by reception staff to the front door.
A shiny gold star to be given to any staff that don’t talk about Christmas until at least the 21st of December.
A stick of candy which can be given to a child in the hope that they will stop SCREAMING and running up and down the corridor.
Santas sleigh with plenty of space for a practice manager to hide during the manipulative giving out of the dreaded Secret Santa gifts.
Oh sorry Sandra I thought you *liked* multiple packs of curry flavour noodles. Sneer.
Some candles, preferably scented ones or even better, ones made of Gin. To take the edge off
A dove. It’s a long shot but a dove is said to bring peace and tranquility. Actually make that 354 doves please.
A holly bush that can be placed every do discreetly on a chair under your favourite receptionist
Bells, jingling. Bells jingling so loud it drowns out the requests from staff for milk/teabags/toilet roll.
Because every other human being in the practice no longer has use of their own legs and arms.
A very large Christmas tree which fills the waiting room therefore no longer having any more room for patients.
A huge Christmas stocking where you can place all those complaints. Call it recycling.
A snowman. Or a snow-woman. Regardless of their gender the snow person will eventually melt and cause a mild flood meaning you can close the
practice and legitimately go home early.
Jokes – because who doesn’t need a laugh in General Practice
Why did Santa go to the GP?
Because of his bad ‘elf’
A Christmas watch – and give it to Dr ‘sorry I’m late’ Smith in the hope that one day he’ll learn not just to tell the time but be on time
Some paracetamol and some dignity.
For the hangover and the aftermath of the Christmas works do.
No John, it was not ok to strip down to a thong and do the can can.
Particularly as you are the senior GP
Hair dye. To cover all those grey hairs you’ve gained this year.
Slim shakes. To make up for all those cakes donuts and chips you’ve eaten this year because you didn’t have time for lunch
A direct number to your IT supplier because nobody can wait six weeks for a printer to be fixed.
A plumber because nobody can wait six months for their toilet to be unblocked
A locum. Just one. And one that maybe also signs a script and even does a home visit. No?
Ok. A locum. Any rates. Just a locum please.
A calendar with flashing lights and even perhaps some audio that plays at certain moments e.g.
THE PARTNERS MEETING THAT IS ON EVERY THURSDAY AT 3PM IS ON EVERY THURSDAY AT 3PM
AND HAS BEEN ON A THURSDAY AT 3PM FOR OVER TEN YEARS
All the scripts that will be lost during the next 12 months
A clinical system that never crashes or breaks down
A health board that understand primary care do exist and also have pressures, not that dissimilar to secondary care
Tissues. Lots of boxes of tissues for all those staff in 2019 that will be crying for the oddest reasons, all over again.
Jane stole my flamingo pen. Peter used my cup. Emma ate the last cookie. Bob used my bin. Etc. Etc.
Alcohol. Lots of it.