We've noticed your using a old browser this may cause issuse when experincing our site. We recommend updating your browser here this provides the latest browsers for you to download. This just makes sure your experince our website and all others websites in the best possible way. Close

Just For Fun – Some Christmas Cheer for the Surgery

Christmas CheerShare by email or pin (discreetly) on the office noticeboard if your team need a little pick me up. Go on – it’s Christmas!

  • ‘Doctor, doctor, can I have second opinion?’ ‘Certainly. Come back tomorrow!’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing images of Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!’ ‘I see, and how long have you been having these Disney spells?’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I feel terrible!’ ‘What are the symptoms?’ ‘It’s a cartoon show with yellow people.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee.’ ‘Try taking the spoon out.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses.’ ‘You certainly do. This is a garage.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a dog.’ ‘How long have you felt like this?’ ‘Ever since I was a puppy!’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I think I’m turning into an apple.’ ‘We’ll have to get to the core of this!’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I’ve got something wrong with my eyes. I keep seeing an insect spinning round my head.’ ‘Don’t worry, that’s just a bug going round.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, I’ve just swallowed a pen.’ ‘Well, sit down and write your name!’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, some days I feel like a tepee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.’ ‘I think you’re two tents.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor,’ says a patient. ‘I can’t stop singing, “The Green, Green Grass of Home”‘. ‘That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome,’ says the doctor. ‘Is it common?’ asks the patient. The doctor replies, ‘It’s not unusual.’
  • ‘Doctor, doctor, – I keep seeing into the future!’ ‘When did this start?’ ‘Next Tuesday.’

Notes exactly as typed by medical secretaries at Greater Glasgow NHS:

  • Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
  • The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
  • Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
  • While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home.
  • Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
  • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
  • Mrs Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Happy Christmas to all our readers and subscribers! We wish you a thoroughly well-deserved and restful break.

Rating

Practice Index

We are a dedicated team delivering news and free services to GP Practice Managers across the UK.

View all posts by Practice Index

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Get in the know!
newsletterpopup close icon
practice index weekly

Subscribe to the Weekly, our free email newsletter.

Keeping you updated and connected.